The sacrifices of being a single mom

My all time dream was to have a happy little family and to be a stay at home mom. When my marriage hit rock bottom and my husband left me...my heart was broken. Not so much for me...but more so for my daughters. They were going to have to spend their time away from me and I was going to be missing out on I'm sure some of their major milestones. I never wanted this for my daughters but have come to accept the fact that I have to do what I have to do. 

I am  fortunate enough to be able to have my mom watch the girls the few days that I get to substitute. If I had to put the girls in daycare right away I would have been devastated. I was lucky enough to not have to go back to work for 8 weeks. So...the first call comes and I accept. I felt okay...a little nervous about how I would feel leaving them for 8 hours but I was determined to make it a decent experience for me and for them. The morning came, my stomach was in knots, and I cried just at the mere thought of not being with them to take care of them. I cried the whole way to the school...but said a little prayer, wiped my eyes, and entered the building. It was then that I felt the pain of the sacrifices of being a single mom. 

So to all you single moms...and working moms...I feel your pain. I know what it's like, and it's not fun. But all we do we do it for our children. They are what drives me. They are my inspiration to make their lives better and brighter. In them I find who I always knew I could be...momma! 

First Milestones Achieved.

So... The girls have made some accomplishments that I want to post for everyone :)

Week 5- First smiles at mommy!!!!! This completely made my heart melt. They have always been very happy and smiley babies when they had gas...but this time it was from my voice!

Week 6- Emalie first started cooing. Within a few days Amelia also started cooing in response to Emalie. They both also started grabbing and holding onto my fingers.

Week 8- Emalie has doubled her birthweight and is now 9 1/2 pounds! YAY! Amelia doesn't have far to go! On a side note, During playtime both of the girls are starting to begin the rolling over process, I predict by my b-day, in two weeks, they will be rolling over completely!

A rough start

Okay. So...let's just say that the first few weeks was quite rough. The girls had me up most nights all night long until 7 or 8am. They were wanting to eat every hour to hour and a half...two if I was lucky.I fell asleep many a time on the couch, sitting up, with the nursing pillow around me, and girls attached to "Betsy". But it totally paid off and they began putting on the weight and sleeping more at night. Many a night was spent up watching the girls sleep...because they were only 38 weeks when born their lungs still needed some developing. They would stop breathing when trying to poop and it totally scared me. I didn't want to sleep without them. I didn't want to be out of the room with them..but in time the pediatrician reassured me that they were totally just making baby noises at that time and that it was normal. It took a real toll on me emotionally and I felt so overwhelmed. The girls would cry...I would cry. God gave me the strength and encouragement and my mom the strength to make it through the first few weeks. Looking back I think about how I was just obsessing over the little things...that were all totally normal.


My mom had taken time off work to stay at home with me and the girls to get us situated...but..then came the daunting question, are you ready for me to leave you by yourself with the girls? I agreed by week 4 it was time to at least let her return half a day. So...it began. It was my time to really dig in and take on being a mom to twins. At first it was extremely hard and I cried almost every hour. I thought to myself, how on Earth will I ever do this alone??? But. All it takes is prayer and determination. Prayer to give  you strength and determination to get up and do the things that need to be done.. Slowly but surely I was rocking the girls together, taking them off and putting them on Betsy together, laying them down together...it was getting easier.


Going out was something that I didn't even think about. We did go to one of moms coworkers when they were 3 weeks old and she took some professional pictures of them. We were gone for almost 5 hours and by the time we got home we were all exhausted. It was all worth it and the pictures are amazing and I love looking at them all the time. They will serve as a reminder of just how little they were ;)


But they will always be, "My Little Girls".

My birthing experience-- Super Bowl Sunday

Once I found out I was pregnant with twins I had it in my mind that it was going to be nearly impossible to experience a true birthing experience of not delivering by c-section. As time progressed and I discussed options with the many doctors I had the pleasure of seeing I was soon reassured that a natural birth was possible if both babies cooperated. So at my last ultrasound Baby B, Emalie, was breech and my heart was broken.I was told  to come to the hospital to be induced when I was 38 weeks and 2 days. Upon arrival at the hospital the nurse informed me that if my babies were breech or transverse then I would have to go home and schedule a csectino for the following day. My heart was broken but I prayed that Emalie had flipped once again and would be in the correct form to proceed with the induction. All was a go upon having an ultrasound performed so I was super excited! They inserted a cervidil to start the dilation process in hopes of having me in active labor by the morning.  At 3am I knew that I was progressing. Upon getting checked I soon found out that I was 3cm! I was then started on pitocin...within two hours I was ready for the epidural because the contractions were getting very strong.


A couple hours passed and the epi began to wear off on the left side. They gave me four more shots which wore off after an hour or so. By 8pm I was almost fully dilated so they had me push in my room to see if I could push the rim through to become 10cm. I was successful so off to the OR we went to have some babies. I pushed through three contractions with Baby A and she was born at 9:17...I pushed through two contractions and Baby B was born 10 minutes later at 9:27.


Amelia was born weighing 5 pounds 4 ounces, and Emalie was born weighing 4 pounds 13 ounces.