The ugly truth to having twins...or the top ten at least.

I've been reading some twin mom blogs to try and help me through my day present and future....and I found this very relatable.  

top ten twin parenting challenges that impact moms who are raising twins:

1. Surviving an uncomfortable pregnancy filled with anxiety and fear times two. I was scared to death the WHOLE pregnancy. Thank God for prayers! 
2. Deciding if you can withstand the social challenge and pressure to breastfeed two babies. (OH YEA NOT A PROBLEM!) It's hard to do it publicly because I am so used to tandem feeding but we manage! It's been three months and I can proudly say that I have conquered breastfeeding! 
3. Feeling guilty and heartsick about not feeling bonded in an equal way with both babies. This is a DAILY struggle for me! You have to juggle your heart and love it feels like. At the end of the day I have to face it...that I love them both...equally or not. 
4. Harboring murderous feelings toward your partner who got you into this mess in the first place...especially since he has had NOTHING to do with his beautiful daughters. It's a blessing in disguise now that I realize. 
5. Secretly ruminating about how you can feel so upset and disappointed after you have spent thousands of dollars on infertility treatments...I conceived naturally so this doesn't apply to me! 
6. Silently envying how your friends who have just one baby can juggle their lives with such ease and meet a friend for lunch..oh the days that I would love to just be able to get out of this house and walk..but it's a real job to do so alone! 
7. Acknowledging that having preferences does not mean that you love one twin more than the other..this one is hard on the heart to acknowledge. I have my days...but all in all I don't prefer one over the other. 
8. Hating to ask others for help because you wish you could feel masterful and competent on your own..this is a HUGE struggle for me being the perfectionist that I am. I want to be able to do it all...all the time when truthfully I just can't. 
9. Wanting to kill the curious people who ask you the dumbest questions about twins...you seriously just have to laugh them off! Don't ever let a mother to twins tell you that it's just as easy as having one...it's totally not. 
10. Managing the constant comparison and labeling of your twins by well-intentioned friends and family who are not into “individuality”...luckily my friends and family have been great at individualizing the girls. It's me more than anyone that classifies them together ;) 

Hard Working Single Momma

So. For the past week I have been subbing in the high school--which is an EEK all in itself. They are so rude and boring for me. So having to do so was a task all in itself. I was bored, which made for extremely long days and then I would get home at 2:30ish and then turn around and have to be at my second job at 5 or 6. At first I was okay with it but after about the 3rd day I hit a wall and cried. I felt like I was neglecting my own babies. I felt like I was hugely missing out on their development and everyday strides that I take advantage of seeing most days. I know that they are in good hands- the only hands I truly trust...my own mothers. And thank God for her. She is so amazing and has been such a huge help for me!

Being a single mom is hard. And I am here to testify to it. As a child growing up my mom was a working single mom that most of the time had at least two jobs. I never understood her sacrifices until now. What she gave up was I'm sure the hardest thing she ever had to do. No mother wants, that I have met at least, to be gone from her children all day everyday only to spend a waking two to three hours with them each day. And in those two or three hours there is dinner, baths, homework( for the older children) and I can only imagine how the future is going to affect my heart as well. which leads me to the topic of this blog....

I thought that I would be able to keep up on a blog... boy was I wrong! I  thought I would be good at writing...wrong again! So...I will attempt to write more about my life. At the least I am going to write down the milestones that my girls do so that they can look back one day and learn about this journey their mother embarked on.

So..with that the newest thing that the girls are doing is putting their hands in their mouths. They haven;t mastered getting objects into their mouths but they have mastered their hands. They are starting to really coo and laugh and smile at me all the time. They look for me when they hear my voice and get excited to see me. That's the best part of coming home from a hard day at work....my smiling babygirls. Oh how I love this crazy mommahood!